So for someone interested in bondage, I actually hadn’t played that much with rope before recently. I mean, I’d played around with bondage, don’t get me wrong. Exes used belts and neckties, even zip ties, but rope never really came into play. It was about convenience, right? Like, you’re in the middle of doin’ some stuff and you need to restrain or be restrained…oh look! My pants are over there! Oh look! My belt’s still in ‘em! But as I started stickin my toe in the BDSM pot I fell in love with the beauty of rope as well as its function and pacing. There is something so deliberate about rope that you can’t get from bondage tape or a belt. I wanted to feel like an expert. I think skill authority feeds into Dom authority and really amps up the power dynamic.
The real problem was learning the skills. I trolled online for a bit looking at videos trying to wrap my mind around different concepts, but it just wasn’t cutting it. And then! The local fet group hosted a rope workshop. Words like “bight” and “end” were flying around but I never quite figured out exactly what was what. However, two things did stick. 1. I look real good tied up. 2. The guy who ran this workshop was good. So next week he will be giving us a little interview. Email me or message me questions you want to know.
But I digress. The things I took away from the workshop were as follows:
It’s not how tight the binds are but how secure they are
Make sure there is enough space between the skin and the rope
Check in and pay attention
It’s not about how pretty the binds are, but how functional
This point shocked me. Even though it should’ve been obvious, it just never dawned on me. I thought that the binds should be tighter to be pleasurable. That the thrill was the discomfort and the binding. Now, that isn’t to say it’s not. However, a secure bind is one that can’t be escaped. It is not one that is so tight that it cuts off circulation. In fact, secure binds are more frustrating and therefore more satisfying. Struggling against them (or watching someone do so) jerks you into submission, creating real restraint instead of playful compliance.
Along the same lines of not strangling your partner, leaving space protects the skin from chafe as well as ensures that the binds aren’t too tight. I vaguely remember having to run two fingers (pointer and middle) beneath the rope as a measure.
Based on the first two points, you probs now recognize that this isn’t just fun, but a tad dangerous if done incorrectly. One girl at the workshop kept fooling around and trying make the ropes too tight on herself and others. I didn’t appreciate the goofing off. I was like, have you just missed the whole point? The moderators were trying to teach us best practices and she was trying to turn her arms blue from oxygen deprivation. Point is, check in with your partners. Make sure they’re experiencing good pain, not bad pain.
One of the women at the workshop made a point which I thought was valid. Who cares if your bind is ugly? Does it get the person aroused? And keep the mindset you both are seeking? Then fuck yea!
Now, that said, personally, I think beauty matters. That’s 75% of the allure for me. The intricacies. The bad-assity. The elegance. I’m all about it. I wanna create art. I mean, envision a buxom beauty with breasts bound and back braided with intricate knots. Who wouldn’t want that?
At any rate, I’ll put up some vocab before the interview so that we’re all be on the same page.
Quest is a switch in training