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I'm gonna tell you how I fared (hint: poorly). But in the mean time, try this one on for size! Again no rights to this video.
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Ok so if you guys want to follow along with me, this is the video I'll be teaching myself from. Again no rights to this video, but this couple seems adorable and their teaching style is accessible.
So here's a bit more about rope selection and rope care. I'm still searching for a good rope finishing video, but in the mean time, take a look at some of the rope information and prescribe usage here. I have no rights to this video.
Hey people! Sorry for the delay. Because there should have been two posts by this weekend, I’m gonna let rope month spill into February. Alright, let’s jump in. So in my interview with Stricturism, a mentor of sorts, I learned a lot about the basics. All of the information you find in the quotes is from him. Choosing Rope So we’re ready to rumble. We’ve decided we wanna tie someone up, but we don’t know what kinda rope we should use. “You want to use jute, you want to use hemp rope, or you want to use, um, a polypropylene synthetic rope you can get at Lowe's. You want it to be anywhere from 6mm to 8mm in diameter. The wrong kinds pf rope are things like sisal or things that have rough edges.” Stricturism goes on to say, “Rope that is natural fiber, which is in my opinion the best, hemp or jute rope, I make my own, you have to finish it. You sand off the edges, you burn off the little bits, and you oil with a very neutral mineral oil to make it pliable. Remember, you don’t want to use anything with little pokey bits. That’s not good.” I, myself, have the run of the mill synthetic rope since it was a super cheap impulse buy. I’d argue any of the three will run you 10 to 20 bucks for 25 feet. I did a Google gander and saw that there are different varieties and quantities that can be purchased online for more (or less) money. Do your research and find something you like. Preparation My question: Walk me through the safety. Gimme some steps! Let’s pretend I have no experience. I wanna go tie up fill-in-the-blank girlfriend/boyfriend. Where do I start? Step 1: “Find someone who you recognize as someone who you want to emulate. And just like anything else, be it baking a cake or learning how to fight, you emulate what they do.” Step 2: “Then you learn which part is done for fringe benefits and which is done this way simply because it’s safer, and branch out on your own.” I'll admit, I totally skipped Step 1. I thought that after learning the safety part I could just jump right in and figure it out as I went. The reality is, having a mentor and copying them means you can learn the basics and increase your creativity. A stronger foundation means less danger when ya get a little...inspired. Practice Now that we’ve bought rope and found a role model, we can strip down to our birthday suits and gitter dunn, right? WRONG! Practice before you play and keep your clothes on. Step 3: “Spend a couple hours, you know, find someone fun to tie up. And with all their clothes on. That’s one thing I always stress to people. Everyone wants to get nekked while we learn howda do rope. No. Don’t. Because once people start taking clothes off, their attention wavers. Nobody’s paying attention. Keep your clothes on. Just a T-shirt and a pair of shorts or underwear. Whatever. Aaand, put on a good three-hour long movie, put on The Godfather. One or two, cuz three sucked ass. And just have that playing while you go over the same ties over and over, until you can just wake up out of a dead sleep and perform it.” Because we want to really learn rope skills, we have to respect the craft. It’s easy to imagine getting worked up by the kinky group project and jumping back into old reliable sex without even fully exploring the rope possibilities. We should practice the techniques over and over again, because “it’s just like learning another language, you have to dedicate the time to doing it. Say I’m gonna take a half an hour every day and work on a single a single column tie, double column tie.” Which makes sense. Because let’s be real, you’re gonna want to grab the rope in the middle of the night, at a time when you want to impress. You don’t wanna be fumbling around and lose the power dynamic you’re hoping to create in the first place.  Play
Now, you’re ready to go. But let’s talk emergencies. Let’s talk about things when they aren’t going so hot. Stricturism’s five-minute rule “I always tell people gimme five minutes. When you’re in a situation, what a lot of people do is they’ll be tied in a situation enjoying themselves or maybe they’re tired or maybe they’re too warm or they’re too cold or something has changed inside them. Don’t wait until that moment to say ‘can you untie me?’ Gimme the five-minute rule. Just say ‘Hey, five minutes.’ That way, I know five minutes from right now you need to be totally untied. Because I’m gonna untie everything backwards.” Safe word and medical-grade shears However, when shit hits the fan, Stricturism recommends having a pair of medical-grade shears on hand. At times when you don’t have five minutes, use your safe word and then you can use the the rope chopping scissors to free your partner and find out what’s wrong. Remember, this is meant to be fun. Talk to your partner(s) and really explore their specific needs for their specific bodies. Alrighty! That’s how we get started. Next time, we’ll talk about choosing safe words and I’ll show you my latest rope project. I have a confession to make: I actually started this journey a year ago. It was around May last year when one of my closest friends suggested I explore and around July when I got up the courage to do so. In the beginning, around like July and August, I had two interactions that really resonated with me. Note: I’ve modified some of the identifiable traits of these people because I don’t want to put all of their biz in the street. The German  The summer smelled of rotting garbage and roasting lamb. Hesitant, I headed to a divey bar in the heart of town. The man I was set to meet was much older than me, maybe late 40s or early 50s. A self-professed “Master in training,” he’d been in the community for over 20 years. The idea of “Master” and “engineer” led me to expect a buttoned-up stiff or a sinister trench coat-clad deviant, two thoughts that almost made me cancel. As a precaution, I’d given all of the night’s details to my closest large male friend. I was supposed to message him when I got home following the date and, if I didn’t, he would call me the following morning. With all my bases covered for my first blind date, I walked into the hole in the wall where we agreed to meet, my blue and white striped dress grazing the grimy bar floor. There he was. A regular guy. Maybe 5’9”. Shin length cargo shorts and an oversized dark tee. No trench. The clothes were inconsequential. What struck me the most was his air. He was calm and modest, yet his eyes never wavered and he spoke with confidence. Despite his slovenly exterior, his thoughts and speech were measured. And scene. What happened? We hung out for five hours or so just laughing and talking. Advice from the German -Never sub for any master who doesn’t talk to you first about who you are and what you’re looking for -Don’t be afraid to just jump in, but be smart and don’t do anything you don’t want to do The German’s Biggest Regret -Not getting into the community sooner I’m sure he said more great things, but those were the two points that resonated. Oh! And there was one more thing that stood out: kinksters could be normal people too. At the end of the night, I was so overwhelmed by how good a time we had that I kissed him. He tasted of cigarettes and whiskey; he tasted good. Around 1:30 a.m., I jumped in a cab home in a very pensive mood. Photo Credit: http://tinyurl.com/mg4yrt7 Facing the wall, kneeling on the cushions, hands gripping the back of the sofa, the pole dancer looked over her shoulder with a who-stole-the-cookies-from-the-cookie-jar grin. The Pole Dancer Two weeks later, I sat in a popular gay bar. I was preparing for a big move and was only a month shy of leaving the country for a while, if not for good. The pole dancer picked me up at that bar. I was not attracted to her right off the bat, but after a couple dates, we started hanging out regularly and becoming intimate. I visited her lane house one afternoon. We made dinner and, as they do, things evolved. Facing the wall, kneeling on the cushions, hands gripping the back of the sofa, the pole dancer looked over her shoulder with a who-stole-the-cookies-from-the-cookie-jar grin. Her black lace boy shorts traced her minimal ass, displaying her hard-earned fitness gains. She was a different person from the clumsy clothed woman who’d under seasoned the salmon just hours earlier. Nakedness gave her confidence. Unlike with the German, I felt no hint of dominance in her personality, sexually or otherwise. In fact, she was more submissive than anyone I’d ever encountered. Her eyes screamed, “oops!” daring me to become angry. Provoking me. Domination has always scared me because of a feeling I’d be good at it. One night, while I was spanking the pole dancer and slowly getting the hang of my style of humiliation talk, I started to feel powerful. The red hand and paddle marks riled me up and I felt myself settling into a very comfortable sense of control. Have you seen Black Swan? Do you remember that scene where Natalie Portman is turning into the black swan at the end of the movie? She’s breathing it in, winding her neck rhythmically, looking almost serpentine as she leaves her old skin and slides into a new one. Eventually, she starts beating her wings in a graceful yet aggressive way and turns completely into a black swan. Well, I started spanking harder in a graceful yet aggressive way and… stopped as I felt myself turning into someone I wasn’t ready to become and perhaps someone she was expecting to be. The pole dancer and I didn’t work out, and at the end of the month I left the country. Inexperienced, selfish, and oblivious, I abandoned a sub, leaving her feeling emotionally unguarded and mishandled. I was not in a good place for any sort of relationship. However, life doesn’t pause to consider your voids and inadequacies. The pole dancer and I had slipped into a relationship structure which I tried to entertain despite my ill-preparedness. I knew that domming required care physically. I’d heard that it was important to check in with your partner and make sure things weren’t going down the wrong road. Safe words. The whole nine. What I failed to acknowledge was the emotional aftercare and, perhaps more importantly, the expectation management needed. I didn’t realize how much trust she’d put in me as a sub, so I treated it like a month-long hookup: full of respect but with no real chance of a relationship. I’d shirked my dom responsibility to care for my sub because I didn’t know what was expected of me. In a way, there was nothing BDSM specific to my mistake. It was a simple miscommunication between me, myself, and the pole dancer. Things I learned from the pole dancer -Emotional aftercare is just as important as physical aftercare, both immediately after a scene and long-term -I can’t let someone I view solely as submissive top me unless I give the order; otherwise, it isn’t fulfilling Advice from the pole dancer -Never sub for anyone who needs to drink before a scene In the end, I apologized repeatedly to the pole dancer for my negligence, but nothing came of it. Photo Credit: http://tinyurl.com/qbu2g9c  Exploration of a switch I guess it shocks me how differently I responded to the German and the pole dancer. In each circumstance, I really embodied the flow of the power dynamics; the urges that accompanied my roles were genuine albeit completely polar. After experiencing these opposing desires, I wondered if they could ever be satisfied with one partner. I wondered if monogamy could ever satisfy a switch fully, if one partner could, like me, embody both capacities, and, more accurately, display them in one sexual encounter.
He tasted of cigarettes and whiskey; He tasted good.  At the end of the night, I was overwhelmed by how good a time we had. I kissed him. He tasted of cigarettes and whiskey; He tasted good. Around 1:30AM, I jumped in a cab home from the bar in a very pensive mood.
Photo: http://tinyurl.com/ny458hg Long time no write I know. Sometimes when life hits, it smacks ya in the face with a double sided dildo. I only phrase it this way because when I was 17, standing inside a disappointingly tame Shanghai sex shop, I really did smack a guy in the face with a double-sided dildo. He was not pleased.  http://tinyurl.com/co9nhcu Speaking of dildos and smacking people with them, my ultimate life goal is to make sex toys. It wasn't always my dream. I used to want to be a lawyer. This is perhaps a stark deviation from that career path. But yes. This is my goal. Last May I headed back Stateside for a vacation from near death bike-pedestrian collisions and super vocal spitting. While sauntering through New York's LES, I started thinking about the kind of toys I want to make. A week later, sitting in my friend's Harlem apartment, the ideas came in waves. I'm going to make spanking toys. Paddles, canes, and belts. Maybe even special ropes and other interesting restraints.  http://tinyurl.com/d9k3h2v You see, I'm slowly exploring my interest in S&M. I didn't read 50 Shades. One friend described it in her bubbly northern French accent as, "Like Twilight, but with bondage." I fucking hate Twilight. Another friend said that at the end of the series the author still shone S&M in a negative light... as if being into it meant you were corrupted during your childhood in some sexual really fucked up way. Now, I don't doubt that this could be the case for some, but it isn't the case for all. Hell-er! (That's hello in my Madea voice)  http://tinyurl.com/dystyrs For me my interests are a constant battle which I'm dealing with internally...and now I have decided to explore a little more proactively. I was recently told to seek community. So guys. I'm gonna seek community. I'm gonna attempt to chronicle my adventures in bondage. Well, wish me luck! My main fears: -How people will perceive me -How I will perceive myself -What will happen once I release my inner sadist -How I will hide my bruises from bottoming -Will I enjoy it as much in reality as I do in my head or should I stick to the light versions I already participate in I think the perception bit is most important. That is the "how I will perceive myself" bit. I ponder the possibilities of my being into scenarios such as rape role play in which I'm the aggressor in this artificial scene. I fear what it would say about me to enjoy such dynamics. For me, knowing this about myself would be scarier than knowing about someone else. An 18 year old student confided his desires to participate in the same scenario. I told him to calm down. I told him to assess whether it was attraction to a consensual version or did he really fear actual aggression. Either way I told him he should talk to the psychiatrist he was already seeing and that I wasn't equipped to advise him on this further. I told him he could always talk to me if he needed me. As the kid walked away, I reflected on similar more passive urges. Then I remembered how the idea of true violence made me angry and nauseated. The actual idea of real violation disgusts me. When we have these urges, I believe it is more about the power dynamic than the scenario. It isn't that you want to be raped, but that you want to simulate the helplessness of being taken, of being dominated by someone you've given permission to do so. However, a lot of people are unable to distinguish between the two and end up hating themselves or others. Blah. I can imagine it's rough fearing or hating yourself. Fearing or hating what you could be capable of. At any rate, I will talk more about power later. For now, let's see how this goes. Sigh-ned a flip flopping dom-sub. |
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